You Never Know

A few weekends ago, we had an unexpectedly long but good time with some local friends we are getting to know. We met this family through our landlord only a month before we left to go to Thailand to have Emily, so this was only the third time we've spent time with them. I have to admit, even after a year and a half, the culture still catches us off guard at times. We were thinking with our American culture brains when David arranged what we thought would be a couple of hours for Caleb to play with their little boy at their house. But what we're learning is that when you get together with friends you're just getting to know in this culture, first of all, it is rarely just a couple of hours. The hosts are responsible to plan the event thoroughly and be completely in control of the flow of events and how long everything lasts. This is a way of treating the guests so that they can just relax, enjoy themselves, and not have to worry about anything. Secondly, rarely do they tell you ahead of time the details of the arrangements. When you go, you're just along for the ride and often have no idea what to expect! (This makes it really hard to plan well for caring for children...how much and what to take, etc.!) And thirdly, (we found out later when we talked to our tutor) many adults do not often arrange for their kids to play together and that be the primary purpose of the arrangement. Usually, the adults get together, and the kids entertain themselves while the adults spend time together. In fact, the word used when asking if you want to spend time together literally means "play". =)

Soooo, Dave arrived with Caleb at our friends' house, and rather than going inside, they told Dave they were going to take he and Caleb to a "fun place to play". Turns out, he ended up in the outskirts of the city at their mountain get-away home where they go to "play" on the weekends with their family, friends, and co-workers. So Dave called and let me know about the opportunity to spend time with our friends.

I must admit that when I got Dave’s phone call, it was one of those moments where I REALLY did NOT want to go. I was enjoying a peaceful afternoon with the girls, who were just waking up from naps) and was looking forward to a nice dinner and fun family night when David and Caleb returned (which I had thought would be around 5:30!). I wanted to stay home and continue on in my quiet comfort, my controlled, predictable, enjoyable environment—the EASY place. But over the last few years, and since we’ve been here especially, our lives have become a constant string of choices to go against our natural desires and preferences about what we want to do, and to keep choosing to walk into situations where we are not comfortable and not in control, for the sake of what matters most. So I talked with Him for a few minutes, asked for strength to live according to what is eternally valuable, and then got the girls ready, got in a cab, and rode up to the mountain home.

When I arrived, Caleb was taking turns riding the scooter around the courtyard with their little boy, and Dave was eating fruit and sunflower seeds outside with the men.

The kids enjoyed seeing the chickens and pet ducks on the hillside, and I had fun sharing Emily with the ladies inside while the helper prepared dinner.

After dinner was a relaxed time of the kids watching TV while the adults chatted and played cards. Susanna wasn't much interested in the TV, so she took a front row seat at the card table.

It was such a privelege to be included in their gathering of family and friends. I'm sure it's not always comfortable for them to have foreigners around. But by learning and adhering to their culture as much as possible, we are seeking to become more like they are so that the cultural barrier will be as little of a barrier to our friendship as possible.

Just like always, after a short time of being there, I was so glad I went, not because I was comfortable or having "fun" (my definition of fun is drastically different now than it used to be!), or because of anything obviously spectacular that happened, but because there's something so fulfilling about being right where you know you need to be. Sharing experiences with people, loving them, and being interested and involved in their lives is incredibly meaningful in the overall scheme of things, and we are learning just how "worth it" it is to sacrifice our desires for His.

Looking ahead

For several months now, we have been planning to move out to a smaller city to continue our studies and do research for our company. So this past weekend I took a trip to a city in the Southeast corner of our province to have a look with two co-workers, mainly to check out apartment availability, education, healthcare, religious situation, situation in the outlying villages, etc.


We entered the city with only two initial contacts. My soccer friend helped us find a good hotel over the phone. Later in the weekend, we visited my tutor’s mother’s cousin who lives there. From a culture perspective where relational connections are your lifeline, our startup situation looked pretty grim! But by the close of the weekend, we had made several other local acquaintances.



Here are a few snippets of our interesting weekend:

• Eating grilled fish at 2 AM with some locals


• Having the wife of a night club owner ask, “Isn’t it normal for a husband to have a girlfriend other than his wife?”


• Visiting a local service composed of nine ladies


• Sitting in a beauty parlor discussing the local religious situation


• Stumbling upon a minority village with only 92 families

Living in a city with a large expatriate community, it has been difficult this last year and a half to discipline ourselves to depend on the local community for help. We are excited about the opportunity to depend even more on the local community when we move, and are specifically trusting Dad for local family members who can not only help us adjust, but also become our companions. We are excited about the opportunities I had this weekend to begin friendships with such people, already willing to help us settle in when we arrive in August. Firmly convinced of the importance of being a learner first, we are thankful for these fledgling relationships that will play an integral part in preparing us to teach in the future.




The college where I plan to study...









Apartment hunting...













A minority village we visited...












The covered area behind us houses Ginseng, the area's main cashcrop...












Terraced rice fields...













Another village we saw...

A local house of worship...

3 months old

Smiles...smiles...

and more smiles!

Our growing, grinning, precious Emily turned 3 months old May 6th. Besides smiling, her favorite pastimes are cooing to her family, being held, eating, and sleeping. =) She really lights up when we look into her little eyes and talk to her--she coos right back with more intensity, expression, and emotion than I've ever seen in a little one. She's always been so aware and responsive to us, even since her first week of life. Hard to believe how quickly time flies, and how much she's grown since then. Also hard to believe that Susanna was only a month older than this when we first came to Asia!

Making Tea

The longer we're here, the more we realize that there is often an entire cultural mindset embedded within a few words. For instance, when we say "make tea", our minds have a picture of what that means--what is involved in that process. But that phrase has an entirely different meaning when said within another cultural context. So we are learning more and more how crucial it is to understand the cultural mindset behind the words.
If you'd like to see part of our friends' cultural context behind the words "make tea", here's the link to a video of part of the tea-making process mentioned in the "soccer outing" entry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWntlnsEYnE&feature=channel_page