Family Life

Tonight, we made one of those special memories that lingers in your mind and heart for years to come. It was one of those times that is so precious that as you are experiencing it you wish you could savor it forever. Simple activities and undivided attention contributed to soul-quenching laugther and unbridled enjoyment of one another.

Before dinner, I spent some time teaching Caleb to write numbers and letters. He also helped me do a lesson or two on my Rosetta Stone program. After dinner, we taught him how to play the card game UNO (and we learned how to keep Susanna occupied by allowing her to be mommy's personal discarder). But, by far the most fun was our family's first ever attempt at playing charades together. It's amazing how animated kids can become when you give them a stage (and an attentive audience)! The laughter got out of control when Susanna began imitating our charades. At one point she came over and pretended to bite my leg, which led to another outburst of laughter. We didn't realize what she had in mind until we remembered that Caleb's performance as an alligator must have provided the inspiration!

Recently, while discussing with a mentor the challenges and opportunities of raising children overseas, it became clear why families can become so close. When you have no one else to turn to and no one else can really understand, you lean on each other. Rather than searching hungrily for fulfillment outside the home, both children and parents learn to find it inside the home. Parents can become more than just managers, but teachers and companions.

Had I not been forced to let go of the many things I pursued back home to find fulfillment, maybe my family would continue to feel more like a chore than a delight.

Heading Home ...

As they piled into the taxi to take them to the airport, the weight of the sadness upon my heart threatened to spill over. It did spill over at the sight of my son begging them not to leave.

Last night, a very special two weeks came to an end for us here. Filled with smiles, hugs, meals, new experiences, and plenty of laughs - Rick and Susan's visit (Gracy's parents) was a time we will all treasure in our hearts.

You don't fully realize how much of a difference it makes to have the input of family in your lives until you lack it. We have wonderful friends here, and yet, no one cares or understands quite like family. We have a great relationship with her parents and here is a sampling of the gifts they bestowed upon us with their presence: uncontainable delight in our children, focused time, patience, understanding, advice, correction (even good friends usually won't go there!), and an unwavering commitment to support us.

As we feel the fresh ache of their absence, our hope is for you to affirm the presence of those who matter most to you. Give someone a call tonight and say thanks for just being around. We love you Rick and Susan!

April Village trip...Day 2

Though it's been a while, here's the continuing story of our visit to our friend Jack's village. If you'd like to read about the first day, it was posted May 15th, entitled "Village Adventure, Day One: Train ride through the countryside."

Thursday morning, I awakened to the sound of roosters crowing and birds chirping as the cool dampness and soft light of morning began seeping into our room. Having slept in my clothes from the day before, I was pretty ready for a chance to wash and freshen up…but I had no real idea of how baths or showers worked there, so I just got the kids ready and we went out to meet our new world.

First, I took a short tour around the house. It is an old (150-200 years) home that has been in Jack’s family for generations, and there was a strong air of tradition, history, and character within those four walls. I am sure if they could talk, we would hear some stories.
Inside the house, there were three rooms with a loft area,

the kitchen,

and an open area between the main house and the new addition Jacks’ family built a couple of years ago.
The kitchen opened onto the porch, which serves many purposes depending on the time of day. During mealtimes, it is the dining area. After mealtimes are over, they fold and put away the table and use the area for a workspace to shell walnuts, sew, prepare food, or whatever needs to be done. In the evenings after dinner, the porch serves the family as the gathering place for relaxed conversation, card games, drinking, and spending time together.

Next came the family’s courtyard, which they share with 3 other families…and all their livestock. Chickens, cows, pigs, cats, and dogs, and therefore lots and lots of flies! Even from inside the house, you could hear the steady buzzing hum coming from the swarm that had already gathered in the morning sun.
Here's a view of the house...

(going around the courtyard to the left) ...the smoke house where they dry tobacco leaves to sell in the market...

the cow pen...

from which the cows emerged later to eat their breakfast...

the chicken house...

the neighbors' homes and the common well...

and the shoe-drying rack outside the pig pen.

Lastly, I became acquainted with the bathroom—an outhouse shared by several families (probably 12 or so) in that section of the village.Not a pretty sight or smell in there! It’s what we call a squatty potty—pretty much a hole in the ground. Funny, different cultures have different ideas of sanitation. Here, the idea of sitting on a seat where other bare buns have been before is unsanitary, and where I’m from, well, we’re not quite used to the idea of squatting. Guess I am learning to see it both ways…
Anyway, after everyone was up and I’d had my tour around the place, we had enough time before breakfast to take a walk through the village and see where we were.

Most of the homes were similar to Jack’s—usually with three or so buildings gathered around a central courtyard shared among the resident families. Just outside the gate of Jack's family's courtyard is this small shrine, which serves as a place to worship and burn incense for the villagers.
Just down from the gate, we passed the neighbors eating breakfast, and Jack's mom picking beans from her garden to cook and serve as part of our own breakfast later.

As we ventured down the dusty road, a hard day’s work was already beginning for the many people who were making their way along the dirt paths and into the fields...

Caleb had fun running along the path and throwing rocks into the creek with Jack’s niece, Yao Yao, while we enjoyed soaking up the magnificent beauty that was all around us.
The walk back from the fields afforded us glimpses of other types of work going on in the village...

...and on the porch when we arrived back home, the work continuted as Jack's sister shelled walnuts to sell in the market.

After a hot, tasty breakfast of mung bean and potato soup, mushrooms, eggs, and of course, rice, Dave decided it was time to freshen up. So he headed out to the well to wash his hair. If he wasn’t quite awake yet, the icy water took care of that!
After a bit of playtime in the courtyard with the kids, we headed out on our journey to a larger village to buy some food for the next few days. Caleb hitched a ride with Jack's sister in the basket they use for carrying purchased goods from the market.

We soon reached an elementary school where we waited to meet the horse cart that would take us into the village. In no time, the school children had spotted us and crowded around every window, shouting “Hello! Hello!” so that we ended up unintentionally interrupting classes for 10 minutes until the horse cart came.

For many of these children, it was the first time to have ever seen a foreigner, so some even ventured down for a better look.

When our horse cart arrived, we waved goodbye to the students and began our ride into the larger village, again having the opportunity to soak in the beautiful scenery.

A bumpy twenty minutes later, we entered the larger village.

People from many of the surrounding areas go there to buy food and supplies, so we were able to see several different minority people during our brief visit.

The markets were teeming with buyers and quality products, everyone bustling about getting ready for the holiday weekend.

After purchasing some meat, produce and nuts, we stopped for lunch at a noodle stand. It was fun watching "the noodle lady" make our meal right before our eyes. First she cut strips from rolled rice noodles, then unraveled the strips into our bowls, added various seasonings, and voila! Lunch is served!

The shopping continued after lunch, and as the afternoon progressed, so did Caleb and Yao Yao’s friendship.

Games of tag, kiddie rides, ice cream, and bubble gum were enough to keep them smiling in spite of the walking, walking, WALKING! and waiting in the hot sun.Though tired, we all enjoyed the variety of shops, goods, and people throughout the village streets.
The ride home afforded us more glimpses of people along the way...

...and after some playtime in the courtyard with the kids, and a filling dinner, we were ready for a good night’s sleep.

So, that’s how the day went…but what was it really like? Honestly, though it was an adventure, it was hard—really hard. Though we've made alot of adjustments to living here, village life is still very different than living in the city. I guess one of the most stressful parts was trying to figure out how to direct the kids’ energy toward things that were permissible. With the open sewers, the flies, the manure... the endless list of things that were unsanitary and unsafe, I felt like all I said to Caleb was “No! That’s dirty! Don’t touch that!” “Stop! That’s not safe!” “Don’t do that!” “Come back, buddy!” “Hold my hand!” Etc. Etc. Etc. And little Susanna was still learning to walk, so her first inclination was to go down on hands and knees and crawl and explore. Yuck! And I was trying with all my might to keep all our stuff, much less the kids, from touching the ground, and trying to keep the flies off of Susanna’s bottle and out of our snacks…trying to figure out the boundaries for two energetic children in a brand new place…trying to foresee dangers and prevent sickness and keep everyone happy and have a grand adventure all the while…

But it wasn't just that; it was also the stress of being so foreign... Trying to be polite as people stared at us like we were the best sitcom in town... trying to keep smiling at people who seemed sometimes indifferent or suspicious of us… trying to keep relating with people though at times they laughed and mocked at our efforts to communicate…trying to be prepared for everything in spite of having no clue what to expect or what was coming next... Overwhelming!!! At times, it felt like way too much, and after a day of it, I was worn out.

So long about late afternoon, after we’d returned on the horse cart to Jack’s home, Dave and I took a walk while dinner was cooking and the kids were taking a short nap. I shared my thoughts with him, which went something like this… “Okay, I admit it, I’m a total wimp. I’m ready to go back home and it’s only the first day! I’ll never make it through the rest of this trip. I can’t handle the dirt, the smells, the language barrier, the staring, the totally different way of life. I can’t do it—it’s too much! The kids are exhausted and crazy and so am I. Isn’t there some way we can go back tomorrow without offending them? Okay, I know that will never work, but what am I going to do? I can’t do another day of this!” But together as we talked and lifted our thoughts upward, we were reminded of why we came, what we were there to do, and that we were learning and growing. We made notes of what we could do to adjust to the difficulties and what we could expect for the next few days, and looked above for the strength and endurance that we did not have on our own. After that, we were able to enjoy our time there a whole lot more. It was still hard, but we had a peace that comes only from resting and trusting, and knowing that with each step, in spite of the difficulty and struggle, we are choosing a path that is based on what matters most.